Archive for the 'My view of things' Category

The one with a break.

Sweet Bloggy Friends,

Thank you so much for your prayers on behalf on my friend this week. She had a very hard day today. But our God is so faithful….and I pray she feels His lavish love surrounding her.

***I am back for the next few days to blogging but on Thursday I will be unplugging….completely. From Thursday until Monday I will be on an internet break.

My heart is restless and still raw so I feel that this will help tremendously…

So I will enjoy the next few days with you my bloggy friends…and look for a fun post on Tuesday :)


The one in which she does not do resolutions

So as we look forward to the vastness of 2009 I wanted to make something…not resolutions but something…maybe a list of hopes, yes that is what I am going to call them. So… (in no particular order…)

My Hopes for 2009

find a church I love and feel comfortable with.

Love more, Judge less.

Blog at least 3 times a week, authenticity required :)

Visit Bethers in Michigan.

Spend more time with with my adorable nephews.

Learn more about Israel.

Get out of my comfort zone more.

Get together with friends more often.

Restart my “future husband” journal.

Start a journal for the Lover of My Soul.

Spend more time on photography…including researching schools.

Work on getting healthy!

Seek the path He has set before me and be willing.

Read the Word daily!

Title all my post like an episode of Friends (kidding!)

Be Content.

LAUGH everyday.

So those are a few of my hopes for this New Year. I am so looking forward to this year and all that God has in store for me!

What is your hope for this New Year?


The one in which she is a Nurse…

I love Friends…and I love how they titled there episodes…so there you have a homage to the beloved show.

I am not sure I ever mentioned to my bloggy friends that my Mom was having surgery a few weeks ago…the Monday before Thanksgiving in fact. It went well but for the last two weeks she has not been able to do anything…except sleep, eat, sit, and go to the restroom. So I have been the Nurse.

Umm, friends, can I tell you how much I stink at being a nurse. Ask me to encourage someone, sure! Or ask me to run an errand, okey dokey. Ask me to help take care of someone who just had surgery….do you want them to live?

I am not the most patient of persons to say the least.

But as I look back over the last two weeks I am in awe. Not once have I snapped at my Mom or been impatient. Not once have I complained of being home almost all the time. Not once did I whine.

And this is how I know Christ is IN me…

My flesh cried out to whine and complain and be impatient. He knew I need to be more to my Mom and His Spirit flowed through me.

There was one day I think I went back and forth from the kitchen to her bedroom at least 20 times in less than 30 minutes. And I did not get angry or frustrated.

He gave me peace. More importantly He gave me understanding.

There are some things in my life I can do with out thinking. Loving the teens I work with, even though they are less than loving toward me- easy! Encouraging others and praying for them- easy!

Being a nurse- not easy!

Being a nurse with the loving help of my Savior- piece of cake!

I am so grateful He dwells in me, my Hope of Glory.

My sleeping patterns and LOVE.

I am one of those toss and turn people. I toss and turn for about 15 to 20 minutes before I find a comfy position and fall asleep. Last night as I tossed and turned I realized something….I toss and turn in the same way every night. As I began to think on this I realized how much my tossing and turning is comparable to how I see my relationship with Christ.

I always start out on my left side when I lay down, soon I turn to my stomach, and then my right side, and then finally my back. But I always return to my left side and this is where I fall asleep. It so reminds me of how our relationship with Christ is. We find that we want to change our relationship with Christ so we turn one way or another, trying new things or even taking a break. But slowly we come back to the thing that brought us to Him in the first place, Love. We try works, we try grace, we try it all but in the end it is LOVE that keeps us returning. True love is comfy and familiar, just like me sleeping on my left side. I say it is comfy and familiar because it is from God, and not of this world. Love from the world is anything but comfy and familiar. But love from God is because He created us in LOVE. But sometimes I try to rest in a different way, like making works my priority instead of love. In the end I move on, because it is not LOVE. And so I end my tossing and turning back where I am familiar, and I end my seeking at the thing I find most familiar, HIS LOVE.

I am beginning to see how LOVE should influence my life as a follower of Christ and that lack of LOVE in my life, and in the church. More on that later….

So this post is a jumping point for my thoughts to come…


A Bloggy Friend….

I am not sure how I stumbled upon Amy Beth’s blog a few months ago but I did. I love her writing and I love her. She is one of my “bloggy” friends. I have not met her in person but we are still “friends” in the sense that we love one another and encourage one another.

She has written a post today that is powerful…so if you read any thing to day go and read THIS!!


A Broken Heart

I went to visit my Memaw today. I love her but I hate to visit the nursing home. The smells, the warmth, the sadness is often so overwhelming. Many of the residents sit at the door and watch the visitors coming in, perhaps waiting for a loved one to visit them. I am overwhelmed with sadness when I visit as for many of them this is the end. Their life is dwindling away as the sit and stare out the windows waiting. Waiting. I will admit I do not visit as much as I should. It hurts my heart for days and I cry every time I leave.

My Memaw is spunky, the dementia and other health problems do not get her down…but today some of her spunk was gone. She is so thin, she is not eating and she says everything taste too sweet. She was “swimmy headed” today and she did not eat lunch. So when I got there she was very tired. We talked for a while and she points out that I look exactly the same as a photo she has on her shelf…I tell her I should it was just taken last year at Michael’s wedding. She does not remember Michael at first, I remind her gently he is my brother and her grandson. But at the same time my heart is filled with joy at the knowledge she knows me….she does not remember many people by sight but she knows me. I cannot describe how that makes me feel.
I stayed for about 30 minutes and then kissed her cheek and told her she should rest as she was fading on me. She asked me to stay. How could I not? So I told her I would stay if she would close her eyes and try to rest, she said okay and so she did. But every few minutes she would open one eye to see if I was still there. It made me smile and it made me want to weep.

My Memaw is dying.

As I sat there and just watched her rest it hit me, she is dying. And my heart is breaking. I sat there and studied her face. I love her wrinkles, they give her such character. I tried to memorize every line of her face… And I prayed.

I prayed, but not for healing as I know this is not possible. Instead I prayed for peace and that He would put His arms around her and love her in the midst of her pain and suffering. My heart is broken. Part of me is so happy at the thought of her going to heaven, to see her Savior, to dance with Him, to be free from pain and suffering. To be with the man she has loved for most of her life, my Papa. To be whole. And the other part of me wants her to stay forever, she is my last grandparent. I want her at my wedding, at the birth of my children, I want to see her face light up when I come visit her. I will be devastated when she leaves this earth. We have always had a bond….I am her first grandchild, I lived with her for many years, we have a love of shoes and hats. I am so much like her it makes me laugh to think about it.

I don’t know how much time I have left with her but I will be cherishing every moment we have together.

So tonight I go to sleep with a broken heart. But I know it will not always be broken because the Healer will slowly heal me. But there will always be a small hole where only she fits. And I will be thankful for that hole because it will be a forever reminder of my sweet Memaw.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

My Review of A Passion Redeemed

About the Book:
Depth of beauty … shallow of heart, Charity O’Connor is a woman who gets what she wants. She sets her sights on a man who wants nothing to do with her, and although the sparks are there, he refuses to fan the coals of a potential relationship with a woman who ruined his life. Charity burned him once, destroying his engagement to the only woman he ever truly loved. He won’t play with matches again. But Charity has a plan to turn up the heat, hoping to ignite the heart of the man she loves. And she always gets what she wants—one way or another.

My Thoughts:
I started to read A Passion Redeemed the day it came in the mail, a Saturday, and closed the book on Sunday afternoon with a heartfelt sigh and an impatient heart as I have to wait until May of 2009 for the next book in The Daughters of Boston series.

So here are my thoughts on Julie Lessman’s A Passion Redeemed.

So I have made it known my love for the book, A Passion Most Pure. In fact you can go here to read my review.

I must admit at the end of A Passion Most Pure I was not a fan of Charity, she was selfish and manipulative, but underneath it all there was a shimmering of hurt. So I waited anxiously for A Passion Redeemed to come out so I could find out what made Charity tick…and Julie Lessman does a fantastic job of making Charity obnoxious in this book too…but as you read and learn more about Charity you start to understand why she is the way she is and while she gets her chance at redemption (more than once) she still goes back to the same selfishness and manipulation. I found it interesting that while I disliked Charity I also loved her. She was real, intense, and emotional, she is a woman with a conflicted heart. I must admit my heart ached for Charity (even though I did not like her!) through out this book, as a counselor that works with teens I saw some of the girls I work with in Charity and her actions. A Passion Redeemed deals with some tough issues that young women face and Julie does a wonderful job of showing how Christ can overcome even the worst hurts we have. One of my favorite things about A Passion Redeemed is that we see redemption is not easy, every thing is not neat and tidy, we see Charity try and fail more than once at being a “good” girl. Julie’s characters are flawed just as we are and have a hard time getting things right just as we do. I guess that is why these books strike such a strong chord with me, the emotions of the characters are so real to me, how they feel are how I would feel in the same situations. As you read the book you become involved with the characters, in their lives and in their hearts. I cannot begin to tell you how my heart would beat faster during some of the more romantic scenes or how my heart would drop when I read some of the reasons why Charity is the way she is.

Of course, once again, we see wonderful character development in A Passion Redeemed as we did in A Passion Most Pure…I fell even more in love with the O’Connor family! I adore the fact that we get to learn more about the O’Connor family and love the scenes of them as a family doing the simple things of life, like eating dinner. I call Julie’s O’Connor family dynamics “strikingly real” because they truly are, you can see your family in the O’Connor family. I enjoyed getting to know Bridget and Mima as well as the other interesting characters (including some fascinating fellows!) that make this book so wonderful. And of course there is plenty of romance to go along with the unlikable but loveable Charity. Oh and that edginess that so many loved in the first book is back in fine form in this book.

Once again, as with A Passion Most Pure, this is not a light read. At 477 pages (coincidentally the same number as A Passion Most Pure!) this is not a light romance read but an emotionally driven, tear inducing, heart wrenching and heart smiling book. You are taken from the heart pounding romantic high to the heart breaking low several times but at the end of the book I think you will find your self satisfied and smiling. And of course until the very end you are not exactly sure what is going to happen with Charity and her fellow(s) but I must admit my heart skipped a beat or two reading those last few pages…

Is Charity Redeemed? I think I will let you find out for yourself :o)

Don’t forget to leave a comment if you would like a chance to win both of Julie’s books in The Daughter’s of Boston series.

And come back tomorrow to read the first chapter of A Passion Redeemed.

Well butter my biscuits…..

Do you ever find yourself wishing for the new week to come….let’s just say that was my week last week.

Thursday was a rough day. One of our boys in the program lost his home to a fire caused by lightening. And a man I very much admired passed away. I hate days like that.

But there is always a flip side to things…Wayne may be missed here on Earth, but he is dancing with Jesus and that is amazing. And yes the fire was devastating but no one was hurt and the only things destroyed are replaceable. Of course that is how I feel a few days after said day.

But I love how God shows up in the midst of tough times…church was awesome, I am thinking of starting a bible study…something that has been on my heart for a while… And I spent some much needed time with a friend this weekend.

Mum and I have been doing a special dinner on Sundays for my Memaw…she is not eating so we have been cooking her favorite foods on Sunday to take to her…today I made fried chicken for her…the way she taught me of course. I am such a sentimental person…when doing things like this my mind always goes back in time. Memaw is not doing well at all but when I think of all she has taught me and all the grand memories…life gets more bearable. I am so thankful that God gave us the ability to remember special times…they make the rough time’s easier…

And now for a break from the seriousness.
Ok I am a pretty good cook…except when it comes to biscuits and when you live in the south biscuits are important ya’ll! Well come to find out my Dad is a master biscuit maker…and he learned to make them from the internet….the internet ya’ll! Holy Schmoly! I have to admit my jealousy was out in full force when he made some to go with our dinner and they were tasty, in fact…YUMMY! So the dad that can’t cook and the daughter than can are at a turning point….I am thinking of hanging up my apron….ok maybe not :o)
But seriously how funny is that!


Cardboard Testimonies

I am not usually one for posting videos but this one…well words cannot describe it. It has the song that has been stuck in my head for weeks and then for these people to be so authentic and real was so touching. I cried when I watched it….so humbled by the Love of our Father. He can change us it we let Him and if we want Him to.

here are the lyrics to the song in the video:

How He Loves Us

Verse 1:
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Chorus 2:
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

*Verse 3:
Well, I thought about You the day Stephen died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
…They want to tell me You’re cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he’d say it’s not true, cause…

Chorus 3:
Cause He loves us,
Oh how He loves us.
Oh how He loves us.
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.*

Being Uncomfortable in a Comfortable World

So this is a what’s on my heart post.

I must admit… I have a lovely life.  I really, really do.  This year God has opened my eyes to some things that make me uncomfortable.  Watching this video on Shannon’s site made me uncomfortable. I suggest you go watch it. Be prepared. It is something that if I close my eyes and think about I can almost feel my heart breaking.

I get so comfortable so easily, here I sit on my laptop, watching satellite television, with my lamp and fan on (electricity, people,it is nice!) and I realize that my Catherine probably is sleeping on the floor, not even on a bed, and has probably never seen television or even a laptop. How could I not sponsor her? I have so much, and really 32 dollars a month is like dinner and a movie out. So yeah I am making myself uncomfortable…by the worlds standards, but by Catherine’s standards that is school, food, life. And really I have yet to miss that money. As I started this year I asked for someone special. Haha…I should know better….God really does have a sense of humor. I was thinking boyfriend…God was thinking Catherine. For some background you can read about Catherine here.

Catherine’s photo is now everywhere so that I can see it. At work, in my car, here in my room. To remind me to pray for her and her Mom and her brother and sister. Everyday and every moment I can. From now on I will be praying for all those other children, who were like my Catherine, until God lead me to her and I became her sponsor. And I hope she sees Christ through my letters, and through me one day. I want to see this little girl, who at 7 years old has captured my heart, and we have never met, never spoken, and all we have are letters and photos. And that is enough. I LOVE her.

So if you want to get a little uncomfortable Go to the Compassion Website and look at those faces and choose one. You can show the love of Christ.

God has been taking my life and turning it upside down this year….and at first I was not a happy gal. Seriously. I am quite content to live in my ordinary little existence, in my small town life. And now I cannot wait to see what else He has in store for me.

I am so blessed. And I am going to work on being more uncomfortable…because I think I should be uncomfortable in this world…this is not where I belong. I so forget that…and I forget it often. That work in progress thing, it really is true.


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